A lot has changed within the last year, but a lot is still the same. I'm married now; have been for three months. I have an adorable little dog named Rowdy. I'm also the proud owner of many new thrifted books from Goodwill along with a completely new wardrobe. I feel like my sense of style and personality are finally transforming into something I'm proud to show to others. But, at the same time I still feel as lost about what to do with my life as I did a year ago!! Sometimes there is a problems with having too many interests/hobbies/talents. I just can't decide what to focus on and therefore, all things get washed away into a mediocre abyss. Bleh!
Music has always been the great definer of my self. That's just who I was! Lately, no one really even knows that I'm a musician. I sing defiantly with my husband when he asks me to do so, but I can't figure out my own voice. I have a violin, a cello, a piano, and a voice, but no direction, no continued discipline. I'm just okay by my own standards even though people think I'm too hard on myself. I want to have my own band and play music to inspire others, but I am terrible with a crowd, I know no other willing musicians, and my creativity is dwindling in the music department. I have great dreams for my music: I want to start a band called The Pearl that is a female lead version of Mumford and Sons with influences of Adele and Florence + the Machine. I want to play around town at random places and only wear all black with really high heels. ... Will this dream ever come true? Who knows.
I also have this obsession with fashion, art, photography, and antiques. I enjoy experimenting with all of these things, but I don't know if I'm good enough to do huge projects and share them with the world. I hardly have time to take a photo of my outfit everyday, let alone the battery life on my silly camera.
Everything I have listed I sincerely and wholeheartedly enjoy. They make me happy and they give my life so much meaning and joy. I can't explain why my mint midi skirt with little white bows makes me want to skip through the streets, it just does! I can't explain why capturing just the right shot of my favorite places and people makes me want to cry, it just does! And, I can't explain why painting with my watercolors calms my heart and head, it. just. does!
Maybe that's the point of life. Maybe I'm only to do these things now because they make ME happy. Maybe one day I'll be happy enough to share others and offer inspiration. In the meantime, I guess I'll just do what makes me feel fulfilled and I'll share and document it here. So, if you're lucky or persistent enough to follow along with me (even though I'm sure there will be tears on my end), hopefully you'll at least learn more about me and who I am.
On towards the future, then! "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." -Dumbledore
*Pictures to come later, as soon as I empty my memory cards.
-Thanks for reading.
--JAE
